It’s easy to look at someone else’s success and think, "I want that."
We see the corner office, the accolades, the influence. We see the spot on the roster. But we rarely see the conditioning, the late nights, or the sacrifices required to stay there.
There is a hard truth about ambition that most people ignore.
People want to take your spot until they realize what it takes to play your position.
This post cuts through the noise of superficial success. We’re going to look at the difference between misguided envy and true ambition. We’ll explore why trust and values are the only metrics that matter. And I’ll introduce you to The Ask—a framework for using your past, even your trauma, to build an unshakeable future.
Ambition is a powerful engine. But like any engine, it needs the right fuel. If you fuel it with envy, it burns out. If you fuel it with purpose, it endures.
Misguided ambition is reactive. It looks outward. It sees what others have and decides that is the goal. This is the "spot-taking" mentality.
It asks:
This type of ambition is fragile because it isn’t built on a foundation of work. It’s built on the desire for status. When you finally get the spot you coveted, you often find you lack the skills—or the stomach—to handle the pressure that comes with it. Status without substance is a liability.
True ambition is proactive. It looks inward. It focuses on capacity, not just optics.
It asks:
True ambition understands that the "spot" is just a byproduct of the work. The position isn't the prize; the ability to play the position well is the prize.
You cannot sustain a high level of performance without a code. Your values define that code.
If your ambition outpaces your character, you will collapse. We often observe this in business and leadership. Leaders who sprint toward the top without building a foundation of trust eventually find themselves standing alone.
Trust is the currency of leadership.
You cannot play the position if your team, your clients, or your audience doesn't trust you. And they won't trust you if your ambition is obviously self-serving.
When you operate from a place of clear values:
How do you build this kind of substance? How do you move from "wanting a spot" to truly owning your position?
I wrote my new book, The Ask, to answer exactly that.
The Ask isn't a manual on how to network or how to sell. It is a deep dive into how you put yourself into the world. It examines the raw materials of your life—including the painful parts—and shows you how to forge them into strength.
We often view trauma as a defect. We think it disqualifies us from the big game. But The Ask flips the script. Your history, your scars, and your struggles are not liabilities. They are data.
They tell you what you can survive. They reveal your threshold for pain and your capacity for empathy. When you process trauma correctly, it stops being a weight and starts being a weapon for growth.
The Ask teaches you to:
Here is the cold reality: Not everyone will get it.
As you shift from misguided ambition to value-driven growth, you will change. The way you play your position will change. You will stop chasing approval and start chasing excellence.
Some people in your circle won't like this. They prefer the version of you that was easy to compete with. They prefer the version of you that was driven by insecurity.
Let them go.
When you commit to the principles in The Ask, you are committing to becoming your best self. Whether others recognize that transformation is irrelevant. The scoreboard doesn't care if the crowd understands the strategy. The scoreboard only cares about the result.
Stop looking at the person in the spot you want. Stop calculating how to take it. Start calculating what it costs to keep it.
PLAY YOUR POSITION.